1. |
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2. |
Erector of the Trossachs
00:32
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Toss my caber
Put you in labour
Strap it on, lassie
Make me pay
Erector of the Trossachs
Spank my baws
Wi' a Lochgelly tawse
Shit while I rim you
Then gie's a kiss
Erector of the Trossachs
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3. |
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Suck it and spit it
Catch it and swallow
My sperm whale, yet far inland
Your rosy lips exploring my glans
And there my veinéd shaft will follow
Amidst the hairy crags of ancient pine
Your nips are trig points
Your hillocks are heavin'
I am the monster in your loch
I stand upon Dumbarton Rock
And fuck the Vale Of Leven
Amidst the hairy crags of ancient pine
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4. |
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Let's go
Get in the boat
We ride the pink crystal falls
Gently fellate me
In this inflatable
We ride the pink crystal falls
I am in you
In this dinghy
We ride the pink crystal falls
My spurting arc
O'er white rapids
We ride the pink crystal falls
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5. |
A Wild Mountain Lumber
02:08
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Something stirs within my loins
A wild mountain lumber
My bonnie lass lies aside me
Very accommodating
My towering lumber
Cannot be felled
Heavy timber
Awaiting a vessel
She strips the bark
Mottled pine
Spraying woodchip
A shower of splinters
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6. |
The Lion Rampant
00:18
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Rampant liar
Rumpy pumpy
Rogering hard
Take a radge
In your fadge
In your fudge
Rambunctious
In your bumhole
Dance a rumba
In your ringpiece
Lion laughing
Pull your mane
Rub you off
In my lair
Pussy eater
Carnivore
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7. |
Aroused Moorhen
01:54
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A ridin' a rompin' eruptin' ejaculate
Suck ma boaby it's gey braw
A bunk up a bonkin' a loosin' ma muck
Get yer hole in the bracken the rigs o' barley
Ye want more hen
Aye ye fucking want more
Spunk in yer arse on Glenfinnan's fair braes
Jizz in yer face wipe it aff wi' yer claes
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8. |
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9. |
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Fir richer or poorer
Ye dirty wee hooer
A virgin dram
I desire yer sweet gam
One pinky inside yer dunger
Like a bung in a barrel o' malt
Two lips on the quaich full of amber nectar
I'll drain your swamp like the Trossachs Erector
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10. |
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In the cold night air
She gestures to me
The Lady of Loch Throbbing
She calls to me
She throbs for me
I throb for her
Is she there or is she no'?
Aroused I wander to the loch
Removing my clothes
First my kilt, then my shirt
Condoms in the sporran
I left them with my sgian-dubh
By the water's edge
To drift into her
To dock in her bay
Moonlight reflects
Off her shining bosoms
She swallows me whole
I disappear into her
Sinking in her arms
Drowning in lust
A depth charge in the night
Her spirit drifts away
The Lady of Loch Throbbing
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11. |
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The Highland lads are riding off to war
Every lad and his lassie goes down among the rashes
Dig for peat, guddle for trout
Dig for peat, guddle for trout
They use the other hole
Unless it is the lassie's menses
To avoid producing bastards
Of dead soldiers
Dig for peat, guddle for trout
Dig for peat, guddle for trout
These days there are superior
Forms of contraception
Don't swallow the johnny
Or you'll shit a haggis
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12. |
Engorged Wetlands
01:11
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Speed bonnie boat into Flora's glacial valley
The royal barge - large, hard and a-quiver
Make of this frozen tundra
Engorged wetlands
"Charlie, brave Charlie, sweet prince, pound me like barley"
'Tis scary, her climax reaches such altitudes
Make of this barren heath
Engorged wetlands
My dearie, fair Alba's your loins, Dumfries
The clit, Perth the G-spot
And Flanders Moss your lusty
Engorged wetlands
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13. |
The A9 to Houghmagandie
01:55
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I'm uglier than Falkirk
But clever, like the Wheel
Bonnie lass gies a feel
A frig and a fuck
We'll take the A9 to Houghmagandie
Roamin' in the gloamin'
With the mortal remains
Of a Gallowgate whore
On Loch Lomond's shore
We'll take the A9 to Houghmagandie
Like the pubic trail from your navel down
We'll take the high road that leads out of town
Travel lodge
I am randy
Inverness
Tesco's handy
We'll take the A9 to Houghmagandie
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14. |
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From the imposing heights of Ben Schneggle,
Commanding views of Loch Vulvula.
I took a fair maiden to Schneggle's peak,
And gestured towards the glistening spring.
The sun's rays beating off the water,
Reflected in my true love's eyes.
The gush of fluid swirling within -
Of pleasures in the murky depths
Her milky hand envelopes mine
Pulling me beneath the surface,
To splash in a pool of silky finery,
Swirling between my trembling fingers
Naked in the crisp summer air,
Our weather-beaten bodies lay.
Heightened passions, woozy at altitude,
Drowning in a loch of splendour
A lusty thrust to finish up,
Freshwater trickles down her leg,
And o'er her shoulder, filling my heart
Commanding views of Loch Vulvula
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